Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was born a porn star she said
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
