i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
