Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
