so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
