I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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