TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
