I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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