Just fell off a train. Bad.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
