Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We smell like vodka and hangover
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