I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
