Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if only i could text you this smell
zippers are such a cool invention
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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