My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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