She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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