i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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