this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
