You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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