i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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