dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
