It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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