Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
