I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
