Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
