you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
