I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
