Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
