so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
