I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
