We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
