Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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