you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
