just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
