Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Boobs are out for the taking
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
