drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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