literally had 100 drinks last night.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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