I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
