bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
