you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
