i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
