I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
