make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
