Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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