Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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