just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
