If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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