just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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