Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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