ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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