I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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