The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
