Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
