i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
