I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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