don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
